


Fearful Nights

by Rainey_Arlet (orphan_account)



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:21:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23314570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Rainey_Arlet
Summary: Carlos seeks comfort in Jay, and Jay wonders if he's good enough for Carlos.
Relationships: Jay/Carlos de Vil
Comments: 12
Kudos: 147





	1. Trauma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reminded of his mother, Carlos becomes too scared to sleep.

God, he hated when this happened.

Sheets pulled over his head, Carlos clutched onto himself for dear life, shivering and shaking so violently that his teeth chattered. The soft pillow and even softer mattress of his comfortable dorm bed trembled with him. Beads of sweat were breaking out on his forehead, running down his pale face and pooling at the collar of his pajamas, and though his head felt ice-cold, he knew that his skin was practically burning.

Why did this have to happen so often?

He was so, so tired. He just wanted to go to sleep. He’d been running around that blasted tourney field all evening, constantly getting tackled and knocked to the ground by his bigger, stronger teammates. Walking into his dorm room, with his hair messed-up and his boots muddy, all he’d wanted to do was to collapse right into his bed and fall into a deep slumber. But here he was, sweating and shaking and panicking in bed like the coward he was.

It didn’t matter that he was bone-tired. He was simply too scared to sleep; much, much too scared.

Heart pounding in his chest, he clutched onto himself tighter, curled into a ball, and clenched his eyes shut, mumbling the periodic table under his breath.

Now, during the fourteen turbulent years of his wretched life, Carlos had never been to a place as warm and safe as Auradon Prep. He knew that there was nowhere in the world as secure as his dormitory room. He was miles and miles away from all the bullies who had beaten him up, all the strange men who had grinned and leered at him, all the cruel villains of that horrid Isle. He was away from all of the crude words and harsh insults and sharp sticks and stones that had been hurled at him everywhere he went. More than anything, he was away from the clutches of his _mother_ , and every morning when Carlos woke up from a nightmare of her, just to realize that he was still in the safe arms of Auradon Prep, and not stuck in that closet in Hell Hall, he would sigh and smile in pure relief.

Carlos knew that he was safe here. There was wi-fi, and running water, and food that came warm on hot dishes. There were boys who didn’t slug you at first sight, and girls who didn’t steal from you at knifepoint, and adults who were actually kind and caring. There were comfortable beds and clean walls and steady roofs that didn’t collapse whenever it rained. He knew, with absolute certainty, that his mother couldn’t reach him here.

Even so; even though he knew he was perfectly safe; his mother’s voice always managed to reach him. Her angry shrieks still echoed in the back of his head, and occasionally, they would come out of their corner and torment him all over again. Sometimes, when he switched the lights out for the night, images of that bear trap-lined closet would flash through Carlos’s mind. And with memories of that dark, claustrophobic closet, would come memories of _pain_ : the pain he felt whenever he got caught in those bear traps, the pain he felt whenever his mother kicked him down the stairs, the pain he felt whenever his mother beat him with her cane. It would all come rushing back to him: the way his mother would scream at him for not doing his chores properly, calling him a _filthy little dog who can’t do anything right_ , or a _piece of vermin that shouldn’t have been born_. Then she would grab her cane, or a pot or a rake or a bat or whatever, and she would seize him by the hair and send it crashing down on his head and limbs and torso, bruising every inch of his pale skin, taking satisfaction in his pitiful screams, and tears streaming down his cheeks, he would _shudder_ -

That was just the way it was, whenever he was reminded of his mother.

Clenching his teeth, Carlos tried to push those horrifying memories back into the corner of his mind. But it was no use; in the still darkness of the room, ghosts of his past danced and lingered before his eyes, haunting him and tormenting him and altogether _terrifying_ him.

Shivering under his sheets was no use. He just couldn’t relax, even though he had recited the periodic table two times over.

So, with a final squeeze of his arms, Carlos pushed the feathery blanket off of himself, swung his thin legs out of the bed, and did what he always did when he was in distress.

He silently padded over to Jay’s bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this first chapter to distract myself when I was too scared to sleep. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback and criticism much appreciated!


	2. Doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay wonders if he truly deserves Carlos.

Jay was always a light sleeper.

  
He had to be; for his whole life, sleeping had been a luxury, not a priority. Living in his father’s shop, he had been lucky to get four or five hours of undisturbed sleep each night. Nobody could stretch out and sleep comfortably on the Isle, not when there were hundreds of villains roaming the streets every night, ready to vandalize any property they came across. He couldn’t remember how many times he had had to jump out of his makeshift bed under the shop counter, just to chase away some street rat who thought they could steal from Jafar’s shop. Jay’s knuckles were still hard and toughened-up from old encounters with thieves, and back in the Isle, there had almost always been a part of his body that was broken or sprained.

  
But Jay had always made sure to be the last one standing in such encounters, because he knew that if anything got stolen from the shop, his father’s punishment would hurt a lot more.  
_Nobody can steal from my shop!_ Jafar used to say proudly, _Not when I have such a well-trained guard dog_.  
Then he would absentmindedly pat his son on the shoulder, and Jay would chuckle, all while trying to figure out if being called a ‘well-trained dog’ was either a compliment or an insult.

  
That witch Cruella de Vil had always called Carlos a ‘dog’ too, come to think of it. Closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep, Jay wondered if that was all they’d ever been to their parents: good dogs. Dogs that were only there to serve and please their masters. Dogs that were expected to sit on the floor, kissing their master’s boots and loyally kneeling at their toes. Dogs that were rewarded with the occasional old bone or rotting scrap of food chucked in their direction. It was no wonder, really, why Carlos was so unhesitant to drop on his knees for someone; so unhesitant to silently submit to others if the situation called for it. It was no wonder why Jay was so violently protective, either; always on alert, ready to attack anyone who trespassed into his territory uninvited.

  
So it was an understatement to say that the moment he felt his mattress dip under the weight of someone else, Jay burst out of the bed with such abrupt swiftness that it made Carlos gasp.

  
“Jay, it’s just me!” Carlos exclaimed.  
“Oh, right,” said Jay, awkwardly. “Sorry. Gut reaction, I guess.”  
Grinning sheepishly, Jay flopped back into his bed and stared at the younger boy sitting on the corner of the mattress. He noticed how pitiful Carlos looked in the pale moonlight flooding their room; bird-like wrists and sunken cheeks even more prominent and hollower than usual, circles under his huge dark eyes. He watched as Carlos rocked himself back and forth with his thin, knobby knees hugged up to his chest; just the way he’d used to sit as a child. 

“You okay, C?”  
“M’fine,” Carlos said, face half-hidden in his knees. “Just can’t sleep.”  
“Bad dream?”  
“Not exactly.”  
“Bad memories?”  
Carlos nodded.   
“Cruella?”

Jay could see Carlos’s small frame stiffen, his spindly shoulders drooping even more.

  
Wordlessly, Jay held his arms wide open, and without a second of hesitation, Carlos slipped right into a bone-crushingly tight hug. Arms wrapped around each other, they collapsed into the sheets, Carlos’s fingers tangled in Jay’s smooth long hair and Jay whispering into Carlos’s soft white hair.

  
“It’s okay, Carlos. It’s okay. She can’t hurt you anymore.”

  
Fisting the soft material of the back of Jay’s shirt, Carlos let out a strained sob, biting his bottom lip. Watching his frail chest heave and narrow shoulders jolt forward with hiccups and muffled sobs, Jay realized just how much he wanted to keep this boy safe.

  
Now, Jay knew that Carlos de Vil wasn’t weak. He was far from that, in fact. Carlos was strong, and had always been strong. He was strong enough to silently bear abuse every night and still get up the morning after. He was strong enough to have unfading scars littered on his body and still keep a smile on his face. He was strong enough to face everlasting trauma from his past, and bear it all on his own, even if it haunted him and scarred him beyond imaginable. But whenever Jay looked at the younger boy, with his quietly worried eyes and still-bruised knees from the days he had spent hours scrubbing floors, he just wanted to protect him. He wanted to gather him up in his arms and shield him from all trouble.

  
Because Carlos was human. Even though he lived every moment of his life with a brave face, Carlos sometimes broke down, too. When the fear in the pit of his stomach was too overbearing, or the pain that echoed from his past was too overwhelming, Carlos would break down. He cried a lot, Jay knew, especially at night; with the covers drawn over his head, when he thought the world was asleep and it was okay for him to be vulnerable.

  
Jay felt the collar of his pajama shirt dampening in Carlos’s tears. Rubbing circles into his back, just like he’d seen a mother do to comfort her baby at a Family Day event, Jay whispered a string of comforting words into Carlos’s ear.

  
“S’alright, C. I got you. Don’t have to hurt anymore.”  


Guiltily, Jay remembered that long ago, he and Mal had been one of the many sources of Carlos’s pain. Thinking about their turbulent childhood, he hugged Carlos tighter, hoping that maybe this way, he would be able to redeem himself. Carlos had forgiven both him and Mal a long time ago, but now that Jay was studying Remedial Goodness with Fairy Godmother, he was beginning to ask himself questions about things he’d never thought about before; like redemption, and forgiveness, and goodness.

  
Stroking Carlos’s back soothingly, Jay realized that maybe Carlos had been the only person on the Isle who was _good_ through and through, with a good soul and a good heart, hidden behind a wall of insecurities and wariness, the false idea that he wasn’t rough or reckless or _evil_ enough drummed into him. 

  
Jay knew for certain that Carlos was good. He was unselfish, he was unaggressive, he was kind, and naïve, and innocent. He cried when others cried and he smiled when others smiled. He had always been a good soul, just tainted by his mother’s words and abuse, surrounded by villains who longed to hurt him. Scarred by evil. And for that reason alone, Jay wanted to protect Carlos even more. Carlos was just too _good_ and too _pure_ for what he’d been through. Carlos was good; more than himself, more than Mal, more than anyone he'd ever known.  


But was _he_ good too? Was he even worthy of protecting and comforting Carlos, as a friend and confidant?

  
He wasn’t good. Jay knew that. He had chosen good over evil because Mal had chosen good, but he knew, deep down in his heart, the evil that had been drummed into him by his father since childhood was still alive. Like a flame ready to be lit, it was still there, burning inside of him. He couldn’t get rid of it, it just clung to him like the leather gloves he wore to hide the bruises on his nuckles. Heck, the moment he’d felt Carlos sit on his bed, he’d jumped up with his fist raised, ready to attack. Being bad was an _instinct_ to him, it was a second nature. Sometimes, walking through the almost too-peaceful hallways of Auradon Prep, he just wanted to steal something, or hurt something, or _destroy_ something-  


Wiping his eyes with the back of his fists, Carlos sighed and pressed himself into Jay.

"Thanks Jay. You're the best."

_I'm not the best._

"You're like, _way_ too good for me, Jay."

_You're_ _too good for_ me _, not the other way around._

Silently running a hand through his hair, Jay breathed in the soft, familiar scent of Carlos. Carlos smelled like his own pale skin, plus sweet candy and tourney-field grass and clean laundry and everything nice that was in Auradon. He smelled like the good kids, like all the beautiful princes and princesses whose first instincts were to _help_ and not _harm_.   


Skimming his calloused fingertips on Carlos’s skin, slowly running a hand through his hair and down to the back of his neck, Jay gently pulled the boy into him and planted a kiss on the forehead.  


This wasn’t about _him_. This was about _Carlos_. Even if he knew that he didn’t deserve to, Jay needed to comfort Carlos. 

  
“You’re safe and sound, Carlos,” he murmured. “Nobody can hurt you."

  
With that, he pressed his lips onto Carlos’s forehead a final time and felt the boy becoming limp against him, his breaths evening and his muscles relaxing, slowly drifting into sleep.

  
  
He wasn’t quite sure why, but feeling Carlos’s tiny body enveloped in his own, seeing his gaunt, troubled face finally relax in sleep, Jay could feel tears marring his cheeks as he closed his own eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This kinda sucks lol. I'm sorry, I'll try harder!
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback and criticism much appreciated!


	3. Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Morning finally comes.

“Boys! Time to wake up!”

  
What sounded like Evie’s voice, followed by a brisk rap of the knuckles on the door, echoed through their bedroom.

Opening his eyes, Carlos squinted into the blinding sunshine to find himself pressed flush against Jay’s broad chest, Jay’s heartbeat drumming into his cheek. Snuggling closer to the older boy, he took a moment to listen to his steady breaths as his chest rose and fell, still deep in sleep. It was unusual for Jay to sleep through Evie’s morning wake-up call. In fact, he was usually up by sunrise, wide awake and full of energy by the time Carlos dragged himself out of bed. Shuffling in Jay’s arms, which were still wrapped around his waist, Carlos wondered if he had gotten to sleep later than himself.

Scratching his nose with a yawn, he shifted against the sheets and tried to remember what had happened the night before.  


Too scared to sleep, he’d crawled into bed with Jay, hadn’t he? 

  
Craning his head to look at the tan face, which was beautifully handsome even in sleep, Carlos sighed happily at the realization that all lingering thoughts of his mother had completely vanished from his mind. Cruella de Vil’s manic laughter and booming voice no longer echoed through his head. Images of her bear trap-lined closet no longer danced before his eyes. The old scars and bruises littering his body no longer ached; the pain they'd used to radiate with dulled and softened with time.  


He was fine now, all thanks to Jay and his overwhelmingly warm hugs and soft words.

  
Smiling, Carlos gazed at Jay, wonderstruck at his beauty. The morning sun illuminated his light-bronze skin and tousled dark hair, streaks of light caressing his angled jaw and defined cheekbones. How the rough currents and jagged shores of the Isle had managed to produce such a handsome boy, Carlos would never know.

Pleasant as it was to be tangled in the sheets with a sleeping Jay, feeling the warm Auradon sunlight soaking through the curtains and dripping on his face, Carlos knew they had to get up for class. Fairy Godmother was extremely strict on tardiness, and she never began her lesson without going through the register. Besides, if they didn’t get up sooner or later, Mal would burst into their room to drag them out; and if she saw them cuddling in bed like a pair of puppies, with Carlos’s head on Jay’s chest and Jay’s arms looped around Carlos; they’d never hear the end of it.

Gently prising Jay’s strong arms off of himself, Carlos crawled out of bed and padded over to the window and its half-drawn curtains. Soaking in the warm sun flooding through the clean glass, he gazed at the green forest surrounding the school grounds, smiling at how different it was from the cold sparseness of the Isle. Stretching his arms, he thought about how great it was to wake up in someone’s arms in a sunlit room, and not on a dusty old matress in a dark closet.

  
_I know I’m safe now,_ he thought, placing a palm on the windowpane and feeling its warmth rolling onto his fingertips. _Mother can’t reach me, ever._

Just as he was closing his eyes to appreciate the soft rays of light dancing on his face, someone’s arms snaked around his waist, hugging him from behind.

  
“Alright now?” a sleepy voice asked, raspy and muffled in his shoulder.

  
“All thanks to you, Jay.”

With a murmur, Jay let go of the younger boy and stood beside him, casually throwing an arm around his shoulders like he always did. Carlos leaned into him, resting his head on a shoulder and feeling long strands of dark hair tickling his cheek.

  
“Thanks, Jay,” he said. “About last night, I mean. You’re always so good to me.”

  
Suddenly stiffening, Jay glanced at Carlos silently, chewing on a lip like he didn’t know what to say. Eventually, his grip around Carlos’s shoulders dropped, his gaze dropping alongside it and shifting to his feet.

  
“I’m not _good_ , C,” he said, quietly.

  
Turning around to face him, Carlos blinked in surprise.

“What do you mean?”

“You _know_ what I mean,” Jay snarled. “I’m not _good_ like you.”

Carlos placed a hand on Jay’s shoulder.

“You _are_ good, Jay.”

“Well, how do you _know_ that?”

Confusion and turmoil were written all over Jay’s face. It was a face that was all too familiar to Carlos; it reminded him of Mal snatching the wand and pointing it at Ben’s face, back when she’d been torn between choosing good or evil. It reminded him of Evie, staring at a mirror and frantically rubbing off her make-up, trying to give up the obsession of perfection that had long been planted in her by her mother. More than anything, it reminded him of his own face, back when he’d first come to Auradon and glimpsed himself in a mirror; when he’d asked himself if he should stay in his mother’s looming shadow, or fight out of her clutches and try to join this glittering world of goodness.

  
Carlos realized that for all his mischievous laughs and casual pranks, Jay was as torn as the rest of them; damaged inside, smiling on the outside. Jay was doubting himself, fighting with himself; the good and bad inside of him clashing like angels and devils. But he knew that Jay was good; hidden behind violently protective urges and a habit of stealing, Jay had a good heart. Even if he himself didn’t know it yet, even if he didn't think so, Jay was _good_.

  
Gripping Jay's drooping shoulder, Carlos opened his mouth.

  
“I know you’re good, Jay. I know it. I know it because…” 

His words trailed off for a second. Lifting his gaze to meet Carlos’s eyes, Jay saw the boy looking at him earnestly, his chocolate-brown eyes bright. It reminded him of the way Ben had looked at Mal at the coronation, when he’d poured his heart out and told her that she was good; all soft eyes and mushy feelings and sugar-sweet words.

  
“Because you’re always there for me,” Carlos said. “You’re always there for me when I’m at my worst. And if that isn’t being good, Jay, then I don’t know _what_ is.”

  
He gazed at Carlos’s earnest face; his eyes and smile practically glowing. He reminded him of all the storybook illustrations of heroic princes he’d ever seen; beautiful and handsome and kind, with gentle eyes and even gentler smiles; heartfelt words pouring out of their mouths in honest, romantic confessions. Carlos really was beautiful, standing by the window; a vision, with sunlight pouring on him and bouncing off his pale skin. Listening to his voice, which sounded as soft and gentle as the rays of sun tickling their cheeks, Jay felt the raging turmoil inside of him suddenly finding peace, like a summer drizzle quenching a burning flame.

  
Maybe Carlos was right. Maybe, just _maybe_ , he was good.

  
Carlos sounded so sincere, so sure of himself. So much so that Jay wanted to believe him, with all his heart. Jay wanted to believe this boy with the beautiful heart and beautiful smile and beautiful words. He wanted Carlos’s light to shed on his darkness; he wanted to believe in himself, to believe that he was _good_ , just like Carlos believed in him.

  
Staring at the boy standing next to him, whose smile was as bright and angelic and good as ever, Jay grinned.

  
“Feeling pretty sappy today, huh, C?”

“Oh, shut up,” Carlos mumbled, playfully shoving him with a huff.

  
Just as he was about to turn and walk away, Jay reached out and grabbed Carlos’s pale hand, caressed it between his own calloused palms, and gave a genuine smile.

  
“For real though, Carlos," he said earnestly. " _Thank you_. You mean the world to me.”

  
Eyes wide with surprise, Carlos gazed into Jay’s beautiful dark eyes, and remembering all the fearful, sleepless nights when those beautiful eyes had comforted him, he smiled back.

  
“You mean the world to me, too.”

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, I finally finished it. This was the first time I've ever written anything so deliberately 'fluffy', so it was a lot harder to write than expected. (I don't really write romance in general.) I just hope this wasn't too cringy. I also apologize for any grammatical errors/ spelling mistakes.. English is not my first language, and I normally write under the covers at 2AM so I'm prone to making mistakes, lol.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Feedback and criticism much appreciated.


End file.
